“Wait for the LORD; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.”
How many times have you reached the impasse and turned it over to God only to meet it again with the same person and the same circumstances? Was it truly given to Him? Was I in a moment giving it to Him and then taking it back? Why does a mother’s heart ache sometimes override her joy?
Because her focus is on the circumstances and not what God is doing through that dark valley of doubt, fear, frustration, pain, and heart ache. It’s hard. Emotions are strong and tend to overpower the mind with repetitive thoughts of where she went wrong. She is looking for answers and wants to know why. She thinks the love she gave was self-less. Sacrificing time, money, effort, and energy to teach, set an example, and make life better for another. That is what love is, is it not? Giving all to the point of sacrificing self.
Yet, the fruit of that is not seen. Values she thought were instilled are lacking. The sway and lure of the world, self-reliance, and lack of honoring the parent are in it’s place.
A strong introspective look into the situation, away from the emotional toll it’s taking, reveals a mirror image of herself at a much younger age. Perhaps some lingering pride and rudeness remain.
Maybe it’s true the accusation of “you never listen” is real, regardless of noise and distractions. Lavishing love and attention to grandchildren may create a longing for long lost days when that affection was felt just for their mom. It may send the unintended and misinterpreted message that she is less important; missing that feeling of unconditional love belittles, tears down, and strains that mother and daughter relationship.
I think of Jesus at the feet of Judas the night he was betrayed, washing the disciple’s feet. It didn’t matter that great suffering would follow Judas’ betrayal. It didn’t matter that Judas’ heart was self centered and his greed greater than his love. Christ bore no fault in the strained relationship with Judas, as I do in mine. He showed humility, mercy, and grace through his gentle act of service.
His unconditional love is my hope, my strength, and my rest in this matter and my true joy. I will forgive as often as He leads me to forgive and I will love as deeply as He has taught me to love. I will pray my blindness to my own faults in these circumstances will flower into acknowledgement and repentance. I pray to with stand the heat as He refines my words, my attitude, and my pride. I pray to resist restlessness and doubt; and my heart will take courage as I wait for the Lord.